Where Will My Search End?
by afoggylullaby
Summary: This is my first story so I welcome constructive criticism and comments. The story centers on a 19 year old girl named Simbelmyne. There's not too much I can reveal yet because most of her story and her past will be told along the way. Hope you enjoy!
1. Wait a little longer

I just wanted to put a note in here apologizing for the originally incorrect elvish and to thank Mrs Huggins for pointing out my mistake. The site I used said Sindarin but I guess I shouldn't be so trusting of the internet. shrug Thanks again and thanks for the website recommendation! Let me know if I get it wrong again (why would anyone want to put something that's wrong into their story?)

I also would like to thank Shirty for help with elvish corrections and Linette for the helpful information about Rivendell. For some reason, I always thought of it as a city. Thank you for correcting me. Everything will be explained within another chapter or so (and don't worry, I would never try to break up Arwen and Aragorn. I hate it when people break apart couples that exist in the book, it just doesn't seem right. Simbelmynë's relationship with Aragorn is of a different sort).

"Simbelmynë, won't you join us at dinner tonight?"

"You know we hate to see you wander all alone."

"At least let one of us watch over you."

"Or tell us where you're going, so that we may find you, if need calls for such."

Simbelmynë's four elven guardians stood or sat around her room. They were attempting, once again, to force her into a social situation they all knew she would enjoy. Simbelmynë, however, had no mind for parties or noise that night. She sat on her windowsill, looking out over the great, starlit valley of Rivendell and half-listening to her friends.

"Please, Simbelmynë," appealed Alassë, the eldest of the four elves, "Don't keep yourself closed off from those who would help you. He promised that he would return and Aragorn, though he be but a man, would not break such a promise to you." She sat down next to Simbelmynë and gazed at her profile. The still young woman continued to stare out to the mountains, but her attention was caught. As of late, she had sorely missed her traveling companion and true friend, one of the only men she had ever gotten close to. She turned her face away from Alassë, trying to avoid her kind, hazel eyes, but came face to face with Nessa, her youngest guardian. Nessa stared deeply into Simbelmynë's face, green-grey eyes flickering with impatience. She was always one who preferred to be off at the parties, singing with the other elves, and had little tolerance for Simbelmynë's bouts of melancholy. Her ways were not meant to be unkind, but she had difficulty in understanding the human emotion of loss that her charge held in her heart.

Before Nessa could say anything, her cousin, Aredhel spoke in a soft, commanding voice from across the room. "Do not come tonight if you do not wish. We will make sure that food is brought to you so that you may not go hungry. If you desire to join us later, you may. Be safe and do not wander far."

"And please, Simbelmynë," chimed in Eärwen from the doorway, "Be well, and know that we are here if and when you wish to speak of the troubles in your mind." She smiled brightly and Simbelmynë turned to face her. A grateful smile painted itself upon her face.

"Thank you, my friends. I am sorry if I cause you any trouble. Please send my apologies to your host. I will be alright in the morning, but my heart is too heavy this night to endure the sweet merriment of your folk." Her eyes turned sadly from Eärwen to each of the others in turn. "I am very thankful that you have taken me in and that you put with my sometimes odd ways."

"My dear, it is no trouble at all," Alassë lulled as she stood up. She put a gentle hand on Simbelmynë's shoulder and announced, "My sisters, we should be off. I would not mind an early start to dinner. Goodnight, Simbelmynë. We shall see you in the morning." She kissed the girl's head and motioned for the others to leave the room. They bade farewell and goodnight to Simbelmynë and were quickly gone.

Simbelmynë remained at her windowsill for a while, staring out to the nearby mountains. Already, singing could be heard from all around. Rivendell was a wonderful place and a dream to live in. It was nearly impossible to feel lonely as there were always songs to be sung and tales to be told, and elves were quite fond of both. It was a pity that Simbelmynë took little enjoyment from any of the elves' activities. For one thing, she was still used to wandering and living on her own out in the forests of the world. Not to say that she preferred such a lifestyle of complete solitude, but she had not adjusted well to the sudden change of the bright elven refuge. She was a girl who had grown up early and was not used to others caring for her so much.

As the moon began to edge up over the mountaintops, Simbelmynë strapped her daggers to her waist and left her windowsill and her room. Taking a familiar path, she ended up on the bank of a small river. The soothing gurgle of a small waterfall could be heard, and the spray felt, just up the river. Simbelmynë sat against a slender tree trunk facing downstream. Her boots soon gleamed in the moons rays, speckled with a thin layer of mist. She watched the water flow quickly past her feet, carrying the occasional leaf or small twig. There she fell asleep, dreaming of riding a deep chestnut-brown horse over a wide plain of meadow-grass and wandering through forests just behind a tall, rugged ranger who she missed with a sore heart.

"Lû and gwannant,1 Simbelmynë." The suddenness of a female voice startled Simbelmynë out of her dreams into bleary-eyed wakefulness. She looked up, brushing a lock of hair out of her eyes. Above her stood the familiar face and dark hair of a delicate Rivendell beauty.

"Le gevedin na 'lass,2 Arwen," Simbelmynë smiled. "How do you fair this night and what brings you all the way out here, if I may ask?" Leaning heavily against the tree behind her, she stood up, straightening her skirt.

"I dreamt of you, standing alone under the shelter of a great tree, twisted and bent like an old man. With one hand, you clung to the tree as if for support, and with the other you clutched your heart. Your cheeks glistened with fresh tears. A cry of pain rang in my ears as I awoke and I knew I must come find you." Her lips curled into a sad smile. "I had a feeling that you would be here, alone." For a while the stood in silence, watching the moon rise above their heads or the water rush past their feet. Simbelmynë continued to lean against the tree behind her, trying to smooth over the creases in her dress. Arwen folded her hands and looked on in utter quiet. An audible sigh escaped her lips and she turned her eyes back to Simbelmynë.

"I think I know what is in your heart that causes you such misery."

Simbelmynë stared into Arwen's eyes as she began. "You would probably be right if you spoke your assumption. I feel foolish missing him so terribly. And then I think of the pain you must hold for his absence. It should be much greater than my own, and yet I am ever the more reclusive and downhearted." She laughed, embarrassed, and blushed in the blue glow of the night. Her hand went instinctively to her cheek, a habit for when she felt uneasy. Arwen shook her head and took a step closer to the young human.

"Do not be ashamed of your feelings. They are an important part of what makes a person who they are. Your feelings for Aragorn are a sign that you care about him. You miss him because he had to leave you here." She paused for a moment and touched the evenstar jewel upon her neck. "I do not imagine he did so merely to be rid of you. No, Simbelmynë, you must not believe that. In your heart, you must trust that he will return. It is the only way we may not despair." Simbelmynë turned away from Arwen, her face hidden in shadows. Her breath was short and her shoulders shivered in an attempt to control a well of tears. "My friend, do you not see? There is hope."

"I do not doubt that what you say is true, Arwen," Simbelmynë began, a deep tremor in her voice, "But the pain is no less for the knowledge that he is not here now."

Arwen was silent a moment, gaze set on the back of the shuddering girl standing before her. She appeared a child, lost and alone. Arwen longed to give her something to hold onto in place of loneliness.

"I know." These were the only two words that came to her, that seemed right. A tear slid down the regal elf's cheek as her own words bit into her. Simbelmynë could no longer restrain herself and threw herself into the warm embrace of her consoling friend. The two wept on each other's shoulders, glad to be alone no longer.

When they regained some of their former composure, the two women washed their faces with the clear river water and reentered the welcoming lights of the community, arm in arm. Many of the elves were still about their nighttime activities, filling the valley with the comforting hum of their songs.

Arwen led Simbelmynë back to her own quarters, offering her a bed for the night. Her guardians, the four elves, would not worry as she often disappeared for days at a time and always returned unharmed. As directed by Arwen, the girl climbed into what she did not know was the elf's own bed and drifted off quickly and soundlessly. Arwen only smiled and soon left to find her father, Lord Elrond.

"It has been a week and a day since Glorfindel was sent to find the hobbit who carries the ring." Arwen's words were quick, urgent and demanding once she found her father. She watched him with careful gaze. His features were unreadable, but she softened her words as she continued. "Please, Ada, tell me what you know. Have you seen nothing of how they fare?"

"My daughter, patience. The ringbearer and his companions have been found. They come nearer to the ford every day. That is all that I may tell for that is all I know." Elrond walked to his daughter and took her hands in his. A smile crept across his face, but his eyes remained somber. "Avo bresto,3 Arwen."

1 It has been too long (note: most if not all elvish used in this story will be Sindarin, the elvish used by the majority of elves in Middle Earth)

2 I am happy to meet you

3 Don't worry


	2. A quiet day

It was already another week and still nothing was heard from the hobbits and their human and elven guides. Simbelmynë's heart grew lighter as the time passed. She ventured out to more of the elven gatherings in the valley and became friendly with a young elf, Minuial, a handmaiden to Arwen who had come with her from Lothlórien to Rivendell. After her night with Arwen, Simbelmynë had chosen to accept her stay at Rivendell as one that would not soon come to a close, and because of this, she could not sulk about like a child. Little did she know how shortly her time in Rivendell might be ended.

It was a calm day in the elven valley. Simbelmynë lay on her back on her windowsill, a favorite spot, with Minuial resting on the bed. The sky was a faint grey-blue, the slight hint of rain with no true promise of its arrival. The air was chill, but light. The two new friends sang a quiet tune together. Minuial half-sang, half-hummed the melody while Simbelmynë experimented with a gentle harmony. It was an old song, but a favorite of both.

While she sang, Simbelmynë dreamed of and remembered her childhood in a far distant land. It was not often something she chose to think of, but the images washed over her like the gentle lapping of water. At that moment, she felt safe and warm, unafraid of whatever might creep into her mind. All at once, beauty and sun and rolling fields filled her head. The river near her home, the mysterious forest, playing with her cousins were some of the fondest memories she held from that land, her home. An attempt to stem the flow of more unpleasant times was, nevertheless, thwarted and her voice faltered in her song. Minuial lifted her head and shook a lock of amber hair from her cheek.

"Are you alright, Alfirin?"1

Simbelmynë turned her head to face her friend and saw worry in her eyes. The elf had sensed the swift moment of sadness Simbelmynë had felt. The girl's eyes shone, smiling, and returned to gazing at the sky. There was a brief moment of quiet in the room before Simbelmynë answered.

"I am, Minuial. Do not worry. It was a moment, but only a moment of sad memory. I did not mean to upset you." She chuckled. "Or to interrupt the tune."

Minuial leaned forward on the bed.

"I understand, though I was sad to have our song cut short as well," she replied with a bright smile. "That harmony was much finer than the last."

"Oh, I would be undeserving of such flattery if I were to take all the credit, or let you lay it on my shoulders. The elven voice is always the fairest."

"But for a human child, you are pleasant to listen to." Minuial let out a chiming laugh and Simbelmynë's eyes crinkled in amusement. Young though she was, as an elf, Minuial saw Simbelmynë as very childlike in age. In the opposite manner, Simbelmynë often forgot how very old her friend truly was.

Minuial stopped laughing with such sharp abruptness that Simbelmynë sat up. She watched the elf for a moment in bewilderment before asking if anything was wrong. Minuial seemed not to hear her, but was straining to listen to other, more distant voices. Simbelmynë leaned out her window and scanned the valley. A short distance away, she glimpsed a group of elves heading toward Elrond, carrying what seemed like an odd child. There were three other such children waddling along behind, joined by an elf and a man. The air in her lungs seemed suddenly gone and Simbelmynë clutched her chest. By now, Minuial had run out to the balcony below and saw the strange sight as well. Her eyes flickered from the assembly to her friend, hanging out of her window, breathless.

"Alfirin!" She called up, trying to grasp Simbelmynë's attention. "Come down to me and we may go meet them." As this had no affect, she tried again. "The sight you see is truth," she began in a softer, more quiet tone, "He has returned." At this, Simbelmynë disappeared from her window and raced down to the balcony. She could not tear her eyes away from the group below, nor did she desire to.

"Alfirin, I must go to Lady Arwen. I must see that she knows of this. However, I do not wish to leave you. Where are Alassë and the others?"

Simbelmynë could not answer, but she would not move.

"Then I must go. Navaer.2" With that, Minuial dashed off and was gone. Simbelmynë was alone and did not know what to do with herself. She longed to go down to him, but feared that he might not wish to see her. This and many other doubts clouded her heart and froze her legs. She knew not how to give herself hope as Arwen did and could not remove the dread of what a meeting might bring.

It seemed as days before she was able to force mobility back into her body and find her way down to where the party of elves, a man and strange children had passed by. They were still in sight, but far ahead and she panted for the effort of climbing down after them. No strength remained in her to seek them out. All she was able to do was stand and watch them disappear, out of reach and range of sound.

An hour later, Simbelmynë paced her room, climbed up onto her windowsill, paced a while longer before finally settling back at her window. Her heart beat, deep and heavy in her chest. A cool, pale hand held her cheek as she stared out at nothing, knee drawn to her chest.

"Now that he is here," she mumbled aloud, "I cannot face him. Not knowing what is in his heart, nor why he has returned, I am fearful of so many things. What if he does not wish to remain, but only to bring those small children here as part of his errand? And there are many others in the valley that are much dearer to him than myself." A faint sigh puffed through the air as she continued. "I was only his travel companion for a time whilst my cousin could not watch over me. Perhaps I should leave and go in search of my cousin." In her heart, she could do no such thing. She had to see Aragorn before he left, at least from a distance. Just to see him would be enough for another year or so of waiting.

1 an elven name for the flower, simbelmynë, and a name given to her by some of the elves

2 Farewell


	3. To understand truth

All through the night Simbelmynë sat at her window, wondering whether it would be best to leave at that moment without ever seeing Aragorn again. If she could but decide, she might not have to face the hardship of rejection and further abandonment that she feared so entirely. Leaving would be as easy as taking a horse and riding out to a few villages to ask if they had seen any Rangers passing through. In that way she could find her cousin, Arahael. It was true that they had not seen one another in some time and that to be with him again would give her some feeling of family. However, she was not all too fond of traveling with the other Rangers. They could be a raucous bunch and Simbelmynë tended to prefer quieter company. That was why she enjoyed Aragorn's friendship and why she began to tag along with him more and more until she felt able to call herself his companion. In truth, she had become quite attached to him and it was this reason that she took it as such a slight when he left her in Rivendell. He had ever taken her on his journeys and it was difficult to understand what had changed. Unless he no longer wanted her to follow him, Simbelmynë was lost as to the reason for her long stay in Rivendell. She closed her eyes and went over in her mind the day he had left her.

_The sun was pale and cool, the air chill. Aragorn and Simbelmynë had arrived a few days earlier and she was still admiring the beauty and peace of the elven valley. Her eyes were bright and any could see the gladness in her heart for being in such a breathtaking, serene place. Aragorn, on the other hand, was somewhat quieter and more reserved in his happiness to be returned to Imladris. He had already visited with Arwen and told her of his news, but Simbelmynë still did not know. No words had yet come to tell her._

"_Do you like it here?" he asked finally in a soft tone._

"_Very much," Simbelmynë sighed in content. "It is more than words can name."_

"_Then my news is good."_

"_What news?" Simbelmynë felt something in his words that did not sit well. She turned to face him, searching his eyes. "Aragorn?"_

"_I am afraid that you are to stay here. I have an urgent call that I must attend to at once and it is far too dangerous for one so young as you."_

"_But why?" Simbelmynë was indignant and hurt, and nor her voice nor her words could hide it. "You have never made such a claim before. Am I not proven worthy to you?"_

"_Please, do not take this as my preference. I do not want to put you in harms way any more than I must. Here you will be safe and well cared for. I am sorry, but I will not be swayed. I leave tonight."_

"_Tonight? How can you…?"_

"_I have known of this for a short while now. Such is the reason that I have brought you here. I had meant to tell you these days, but I knew not how. Understand, my friend."_

"_I cannot." Tears shone in her eyes as water reflects moonlight. She stared at him, lost for words. It was apparent that she could do nothing to change his mind and her heart ached as it had not for many years. Finally, she spoke._

"_If you must go, then you must. I will not stand in your path." Aragorn moved toward her and took her face in his hand. Had she the strength, she would have pulled away, but it seemed as though all power had been leeched from her body._

"_I will return. I cannot tell when, but this I promise you…"_

The memory was too painful and Simbelmynë withdrew herself from it, cheeks damp with fresh tears. Somewhere deep in her mind, she had always felt that he would someday abandon her, that she would become too much of a burden. She had only hoped that when that day came she would be older and that he would return her to her cousin, not make her wait for what seemed an age in a foreign land. Now, she waited, in hope that her darkest dreams were false, her mind ever battling with itself.

"I should not leave yet. Once he has told me for certain that I may not return to his side, I will venture out to find Arahael." This seemed the most logical of her thoughts, so Simbelmynë turned her mind to what a conference with Aragorn might be like. At the mere thought, she grew shy and a hand went instinctively to her cheek. It was not concern now that caused her cheeks to redden under the fading moonlight, but an anxious excitement that made her feel something like a small child.

"Why do I cause myself such grief over something that has not yet happened?" she muttered, scolding herself.

"That is not a wise thing to do, Éorla."

Simbelmynë froze and clutched the stone edge of her windowsill. All the blood rushed from her face and faintness overtook her, darkening her sight. She could not turn to see who had spoken, but the voice was not one she could have easily forgotten. A few deep breaths were all she could manage to attempt calmness.

"Are you really so surprised that I am returned? I had hoped you knew and trusted me better than that. I do not break my promises."

Simbelmynë squeezed her eyes shut and spoke in a softly quavering voice.

"I have not been called by that name for nigh on two years now."

"Do not be angry with me, Éorla, as I will not apologize. I admit that I did not return here entirely by choice, but my journey has led me. This should cause you no hurt, however."

"And why not?" she broke in, the words out of her mouth before they had reached her own mind.

"If I had meant to abandon you here for whatever purpose, what reason would I have in coming up here to speak with you?" He smirked and folded his arms. "Would you believe me if I claimed to have missed you?"

"I do not know. Is that your claim?"

"It is. I did not intend to rid myself of you when I left. Your stay here was intended to keep you safe. Only that."

"Aragorn." At last, Simbelmynë raised her eyes to him, seeing that he stood next to her. She had not even noticed him enter her room. His eyes were tired, but gentle.

"Yes?"

"I… I do not know what to say. I did not trust you. Goheno nin."1

"You are not the one who need ask for forgiveness."

Aragorn said no more but took a now weeping Simbelmynë into his arms. Her hands grasped his shirt with all the might of a child who wakes in the night in terror and clings to their father for comfort.

1 Forgive me


End file.
